Title: Who Gets the Girl? [Chapter 25]
Players: Yuri, Yoona, Jessica, Hyoyeon, Tiffany, Sooyoung, Taeyeon, Mention of Seohyun, Sunny
Pairing(s): Fail!Yoonsic, Fail!Yoonyul, Fail!Taeny, and Fail!Yulsic
Rating: PG-13 + some language
Genre: AU, Rom-Com Drama-Llama.
Warning(s): I pulverize ships, apparently.
Disclaimer: I don't own Soshi. I don't own anyone, in fact. All Fiction.
Chap. Summary: Yuri’s life is a hot mess.
Author's Notes: I honestly think this is my crack chapter. I’m so sorry. lol.
She raked a hand through her hair as she hunted for a dressy shirt in the biggest pile of clothes. I can’t believe Jessica’s here. In the flesh. She slept with Seohyun and for all I know, had sex with Yoona, too. And possibly Sunny. She’s laughing at me in my own home. Or...old home.
“What’s with that jacket? You look like my dad.” Sooyoung got out once their laughter subsided.
More giggling followed. Hyoyeon’s included. Damnit, you’re supposed to be on my side.
“Not your dad,” Hyoyeon blurted, tone dubious. “Seohyun’s dad.”
The laughing stopped.
Oh. Hyoyeon IS on my side. Yuri shielded her grin as she recovered a collared short-sleeved blouse from the bottom.
“You visited Seohyun?” Sooyoung asked, incredulous.
“Yeah, we did. And let’s just say...Yuri found herself a little overdressed for the occasion.”
Yuri chanced a glance to the doorway, where Yoona--facing everyone else--held her position stoically. Conversely, Jessica outwardly scrutinized her right back. Direct eye contact. Yuri stood straight up, mustering her measly amount of bravado as she slowly buttoned the shirt. A crooked smirk crawled onto her face and she hoped for the life of her that it looked as douchey as Hyoyeon’s. Jessica simply narrowed her eyes. Dear god, she’s scary.
Hyoyeon's next order gave reason to look away. “Wear boots! You gotta look flashy.”
Sooyoung voice chimed in again. “For what?”
“Yuri here has an interview.”
“She has a what?” Yoona laughed, not bothering to look over her shoulder to the person in question.
“A job interview at a bar across town. That’s where we’re meeting my boss. Seohyun inspired her to go for her own money-making. How else will they pay for their dates?”
The Seohyun part’s a lie. She’d hastily texted the new information to her trophy girlfriend after their cringe-worthy visit. Hyoyeon suggested the new position early that morning. Anything to help a friend.
Yoona sounded less that impressed. “Seems like Yuri has things all figured out.”
“Apparently, sleeping with Seohyun really puts a pep in your step. Isn’t that right, Jessica?”
“Shiiit,” Tiffany cursed off in the distance.
Yuri slumped onto the foot of the bed, tying the laces of high black boots. Finally, I can sit back and watch someone else squirm.
Jessica didn’t speak. Her glare, however, did all the talking.
“Don’t get mad at me,” Hyoyeon huffed sassily, sauntering around the living room like a charismatic lawyer. “She didn’t give me a second look. I suppose Seohyun’s pre-req for a lady is to sleep with Yoona. And that ain’t happening. I’d kill myself first.”
“Then do it, bitch.” Jessica droned. Yuri shuddered at her tone.
“So defensive. Just askin’--what possessed you to go for it? Is Sunny not enough for you?”
“Don’t listen to her, Yoongie.” Jessica hissed to Yoona, arms casually wrapping around her waist. Yuri seethed at the sight. How long has this been going on?!
To her relief, the embrace wasn’t reciprocated.
“I...have to think about this.”
The taller girl rubbed her temples, voice low and unsteady. “Of...of all the people, Jessica. Her? God, I can’t look at you right now.”
“Please, stop being mad at me.”
Yuri used this as an opportunity to effectively push between them to exit the room. “Excuse me.”
She heard a “bitch” from Jessica’s direction, but ignored it.
Hyoyeon wolf whistled, eyes dancing up and down. “Lookin’ good, mama! Jeong-ho loves him a well-dressed lady.”
Yuri nearly forgot about Tiffany, who was now scrambling to her feet, snatching her purse and an armful of posters. My posters. What the--?
“This can’t be happening,” Tiffany whined, staring down at her phone the whole time. “Jess, we need to go.”
Jessica’s brow crinkled with concern. “What’s wrong?”
“I just received a delayed text. By two hours--damnit! Boa wanted me to show up like thirty minutes ago.”
“I’ll tell you on the way there.”
“Can’t it wait a little longer? You’re already late.”
Her appalled face froze for a second. “You’re mean, Jessi. I’m leaving. Now.”
“Well, let me get my--”
Tiffany snatched the keys from the floor and dashed across the room. She hastily bowed at everyone before shutting the door behind her.
The event slowly registered in Yuri’s brain. “Did she just make off with my prints?! I paid a lot for those.”
“You’re never gonna see ‘em again,” Sooyoung replied with a smirk, hugging Yuri’s favorite panda. My stuffed animal. My prints. My ex. These girls are vultures.
A hushed argument in the bedroom doorway snatched Yuri’s attention. It involved a lot of please’s and don’t’s and hand flailing. Eventually, Jessica ended the squabble with a “Fine. I’ll go. See you in the office tomorrow?”
Yoona nodded and Jessica shot Yuri a sly grin as she went in for a hug.
Bitch, bitch, evil bitch!
Albeit, she was no longer grinning when the screech of burned rubber on pavement alerted them of one thing: Tiffany left.
“The hell?!” The blonde ran to a window and peered at the driveway. “That BITCH. She stole my car!”
She dug an iPhone from her purse and dialed. “Oh, so you’re not answering your phone either? I hope you drive off a cliff.” There's a voicemail worth remembering.
Silence filling the room could only be broken by Hyoyeon's succinct observation.
“Americans are cah-razy.”
Yuri hugged a duffle bag full of clothes to her chest, watching the cars whizz by as Hyoyeon weaved through traffic.
“Just be yourself.” Hyoyeon eyed herself in the rear view mirror, pulling the scrunchie from blonde locks. “Scratch that--act really confident.”
“I can do that.”
Hyoyeon dragged her fingers into her hair to even it out. “Speak loudly. Short sentences.”
“Don’t ask why he’s so sweaty. That guy’s always sweaty.”
“I wasn’t planning on it...”
“Laugh at all his asshole jokes.”
“Fake amusement. Got it.”
“Undo the top two buttons on your shirt. He likes a view.”
Yuri hesitated, but eventually released two snaps, adjusting her boobs to look more appealing.
“That’s a good girl. He’ll probably give you the job at first glance.”
“Your boss sounds disgusting,” an annoyed voice grumbled from the backseat.
Yuri clenched her teeth at the words.
Hyoyeon spoke instead. “Shut up, back there! This is the life of a club promoter.”
Jessica laughed mockingly, perched between two columns of Yuri’s many high top shoe boxes. “A club promoter. Could you get any slimier?”
Yuri covered her smile with the duffle bag. I do feel pretty dirty going for this job. Money’s money.
“Yuwree~yah, you can do so much better than this.”
She buried her face to hide a stretched-out smile. A blush, too.
“How dare you Yuwree~yah her!” the other blonde roared. “She’s not your next floozy, you scoundrel!”
Yuri raised an eyebrow at Hyoyeon. Floozy? Scoundrel?
I’m beginning to see why Yoona and Seohyun fell for this Jessica character. She has a super-cute face and tons of attitude. How can I compete with that? Her mere essence spreads everywhere. By essense, she meant fragrance. The sweet aroma wafted throughout the entire car.
“Dammit, woman. Do you bathe in perfume?!” Hyoyeon spat, cracking a window.
“I’m not wearing perfume. I just smell this nice.”
Cute and funny. Am I purposely funny? Damn this girl.
Hyoyeon pounded her fist on the steering wheel. “Fuck, I wanna punch you in the teeth.”
I think Hyo likes her, too.
“You didn’t have to give me a ride home.”
Another one of Hyo’s ideas. After Tiffany’s spur-of-the-moment exit, she considered it the best opportunity to chew into Jessica without Sooyoung and Yoona around for protection. It’s not really working...
“I’m not taking you home. I’m driving your ass to the bar. You can find someone to pick you up there.”
“Whatever. I could use a drink.”
“Another shot, pleeease,” Jessica cooed at the blushing bartender. He quickly refilled her glass with a pungent clear liquid before tending to a newly-arrived group of yuppies.
“Is that your fourth shot?” Yuri questioned, legs bouncing nervously as she waited for Hyoyeon to return with Jeong-ho. Apparently, the interview was a last-minute thing, so she still had to shmooze him up before he even bothered to meet her. Until that time, she babysat drunk Jessica.
“Wooooww! You can count to four. Yoona taught you well, Yuuuuwree~yaaahhhh.” She downed the shot and giggled mercilessly.
“Very funny. I think you’ve had enough.”
“Fuck you. I’m thirsty. Sad. Lonely...Perfect combination to get smashed.”
“Hey, beautiful.” A yuppie slithered over, leaning onto the counter. “I’ve never seen you ‘round these parts.”
“Are youuuu a cowboy or something?.”
“Mind if I buy you a drink?”
Ugh. Yuri cautiously placed a hand onto Jessica’s shoulder. “Scram, douchebag. She’s with me.”
She prayed that Jessica would remain quiet until the guy left. The second he was out of earshot, Jessica burst into a long, hysterical chortle. “Ohhhhh look! My prince is here to protect meee.”
“Shhh. Chill out.” She felt her face getting hot.
Jessica’s eyes narrowed at the hand on her shoulder, then to Yuri’s face. “You’re blushhhhing.”
Speed it up, Hyo! “No, I’m not.”
“Yesh you areeee. Does drunk, vulnerable Jesshhhka turn you on?”
Yuri craned her neck to spy on Hyoyeon in the booth. Her blonde head was still bobbing in conversation with the beefy balding man.
“Do NOT. Do NOT ignore me, Yuwwwreee~yaaahhh. Don't you think I’m pretty? Yoona sure does.”
“You should get home.” Why am I wasting my time protecting this crazy woman? Yuri tapped at her phone to send a text.
“Your arm’s still around me, Prince Yuuuuuwwreee~yaaaahhh.”
Blushing harder, she snatched her hand away and typed. +Taeyeon. Plz come pick up Jessica from this bar. She said that it’s only 3 streets awy from her apartmnt. I’ll attach the address. Hurry.
Jessica managed to attain another drink while she was busy Googling the address.
“Jessica. You shouldn’t drink any more. Give me that.” She reached for the fruity high glass drink.
“Noooo! The bartender made it for me special.”
Yuri rolled her eyes at the guy behind the counter winking their way. “God, I miss Sooyoung.”
“I knowwww right!? She’s so hawwwwt. That’s why I kished her.”
“Shut up. You didn’t kiss Sooyoung.”
Jessica sipped at her drink, raising her eyebrows suggestively.
Bzzz!! Yuri rushed to check the message from Taeyeon.
+B ther in a f5ew. Cab cab cab.
“Yuuuwwwreee~yahhhh. My fair prince of the vaginas. Are you talking to Seohyunnn?”
“Awwww. Pity. I wanted to say hey.”
Poor Seohyun. We had to leave her with her angry mother; I can’t help but feel awful about that.
Ten painfully uncomfortable minutes later, Taeyeon showed up, walking in an unnaturally careful manner towards them.
It wasn’t until the girl wriggled onto a barstool that Yuri could tell. She’s drunk too?! Fuck my life.
The blonde frowned. “You smell like wine. Have you been drinking my wine?”
“Tiffany broke up with meeee!” Taeyeon cried, face already shiny with tears.
Jessica gasped, letting the straw messily pop from her lips. “What? Whyyyy?”
“YOU. That’s why! She’s mad about the ffffookin' ‘married by thirty’ thing. I WANT BEER.” The bartender slid a glass her way. Yuri wished she could kill him with her scowl.
“Oh that? She’s so paranoid.”
“Shut up! She sent me this text that...” Taeyeon fiddled with the smartphone, holding it like cave person would. “My fingers aren’t letting me type. But she...she sent a break-y uppy text.”
“That’s a dumb reason to break up.”
“Youuuu are a dumb reason! You with your...dumb face and...” she looked down at Jessica’s shirt, eyes growing, “your dumb boobs!”
“Youuuur face is dumber than mine!”
Yuri peered around the afternoon crowd, attempting to throw out a reassuring smile. “Shhhh! Girls. Simmer down, it’s only--”
Jessica slid delicate fingers along Yuri’s arm. “Prince Vagina, who has the dumber face?”
I do. Because everyone here is giving me the judgmental evil eye.
“It’s obviously you, Taeyeon.”
Now that we’re talking about it... “Taeyeon. What happened?”
A side of her face showed off a bright pink mark, puffy eye, and a bandage covered the corner of her lip. The girl raised a hand along her cheek and flinched.
“I got my ass kicked by Hit-Girl.”
The blonde laughed way louder than necessary. Yuri quickly shushed her. “Jessica, you’re making a scene.”
“Like thiiiisss?” Jessica threw her head back and fake-moaned so loudly that Yuri bit her tongue. “Yooooonaaaa. Yooonaaaaaa. Ohhh yessss, Yooooooonaaaa!!”
Taeyeon, finding this hilarious, joined in the chant. “Yoooonaaaaaa. All ova mah bodayyy Yoonaaaa!”
Yuri panicked, grabbing onto Jessica’s shoulders to yank her into a tight hug. “Please, please shut up.”
“Ohhhhhh daayum.” Taeyeon snorted, gulping more beer.
“Yuuuuwwreee~yaaaah,” the girl mumbled against her neck, “Did you know that mah nickname’s Princess?”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Which meeeansss...” Their faces were now centimeters apart. Yuri could smell the fruity alcohol on her breath as she hissed, “you and I should get married so we can be king and queen. Or queen and queen. Which do youuu prefer?”
Yuri gulped. “Uh...”
Jessica’s eyes locked on hers. A sensual, devious smile planted on her lips. Okay, brain. What’s happening here?
Is this a sign from the universe?
Her eyes flicked down at Yuri’s mouth, then back into their initial gaze. So cute. Should I...what should I...?
“Yuuuuuwwwreee.” She puckered her lips.
She didn’t wait for Jessica to get any closer. Yuri closed her eyes forward to capture those flirty lips. Instead, she caught nothing but air when the body flinched from her grasp. She lifted her eyelids to view Jessica, head recoiled with a look of disgust. What...what...?
“OH MAH GAWD. Taeyeonniee! Yuri tried to kish me!” Jessica wailed in drunken giggles.
“Dayum. Girl’s so thirrrrsssttyyyy!!”
Yuri covered her face, already thoroughly ashamed until one more thing piled onto the embarrassment.
“Duuuude!” Hyoyeon’s voice rung out.
Oh no. She didn’t see, did she? Yuri removed the hands from her face to see Hyoyeon standing there, hands on her hips.
Yeah, she saw.
“Shit, woman. I left you here for twenty minutes and you’re ready to play tonsil hockey with the woman who stole our women?! You need professional help.”
“But-but,” Yuri stuttered, words fumbling out guiltily, “she started it!”
“Are you five?! Jessica’s drunk as hell! What kind of excuse is that?”
Why is this happening to me? “I...don’t know.”
“Jeong-ho’s ready to chat. Get over there before I see you climbing on a pole next.”
This day couldn’t get any worse. Yuri slowly slid off the clair.
“And fix your blouse, woman. I can’t see your boobs anymore!”
The tanned girl poked her lip out in a pout while she adjusted her shirt. “What about them?”
“Don’t you worry. I’ll call Seohyun and beg her to pick them up. I’m sure she wants to escape her four hundred-year-old mom-i-nator.” Hyoyeon gave her one more full body check before stepping away to make the call on Yuri’s phone.
Yuri looked over at the two drunken friends. Taeyeon’s laughing had converted to hysterical sobs into her beer. Jessica, however, sat up straight, staring her dead in the eye. Glassy eyes a mix of intoxication and something...disturbingly aware.
She spoke softly. For Yuri’s ears only.
“You’ve been royally played by the Princess. You’re no prince, Yuri-yah.”
Next Chapter: Jessica!
This isn't relevant, but anathema_switch linked me to these awesome gifs. They're SO WGTG Seohyun.